Monday, August 20, 2007

Life

I am an astrophysicist student, but that is not what I am! What defines me? My work helps to define me, but I am not defined by my work! Part of what I am I have already discovered, and it is what I have lived and already learned, and part of it is what I am living and learning right now. But there is a part that I have yet to discover, and that is what keeps me going further and further...

Life is something so limited. People need to follow so many rules in life. People need to breath. People need to eat. People are bound to the Laws of Physics, and other undisclosed laws that seems to be beyond physics at all. People even have to follow rules defined by other people, and these other people not always want the best for whom they are making the rules for... But they have to live within these limits during many decades. And these rules are what life is for a great majority of people around the world. And for great majority of people, the only thing that differentiates one person from another are their work, their family and their friends. They don't even realize that they are trapped inside this Tome of Laws, and that their life is simply following these laws.

A long time ago I realized that I did not want to follow these rules anymore. I don't want to have a "normal" life. I don't want to live a job to earn money, then spend the same money, repeating the cycle until the end of my days, with some small variations in what I am spending the money with: myself, family, friends (these thing not even vary that much, do they?). I don't want to follow any religion, because I don't trust the people who made of religion their particular business, and I really don't want to follow a path that was defined by others who think they know the path to find the ultimate salvation and redemption. What is redemption and what is salvation after all?

I want to have a work, because I learn things while I am at work, things that are not always that useful for the society, but I don't care about what they think is useful or not, I just want to learn. Money is just one of those society-imposed laws, so for now I still have to earn some if I want to live, since nowadays there are some critical biological laws that requires the use of some amount of money to be followed (food, health care, water...). But for me life goes far beyond work, money, and the predefined religions. I want to learn things that are beyond the scope of my work, I want to learn how to see the hidden pattern and the hidden chaos that is beyond the veils of Reality. My Religion is my Unpredictable Life, and for me is the wisest path to follow. Will it leads me to my redemption and salvation? It will surely take me where I want to go, even that I do not know yet where is this place.

The most beautiful thing about one's life is that is not simply defined by oneself. The life of everyone is a great entangled web. Every person in the world is connected to this great web, and every person helps define the life of everyone else. This is the great source of chaos and unpredictability that rules everyone's life. And there is much more to this Web than only people, there are many other things keeping life churning and moving in a ever-changing way. But even this endless source of chaos is not able to make most of the people realize how great is life, and how all those "chains" are limiting their true life's potential.

I am a still caged apprentice of life. My mind insanely seeks things that are still beyond my reach, but things that I know are "true". I am not The Perfect Model Worker, nor do I want to be one during my entire life. The riches I seek are far beyond anything money can buy me. The path I have chosen to follow does not lead me to Redemption nor even to Salvation as envisioned by the predefined "great" religions, instead it leads me to the Frightening and Obliterating Unknown. And I am not afraid.

I am a Madman. Perhaps a "Dreamer". I have seen small glimpses of the "True" for the most ephemeral of moments, and that was the source of my insanity and what drives me to my Quest. I remain locked in an Asylum, that is not just "another one" but "THE". I have already one Key in my hand, but there are yet many others to obtain. I will find them all, and I will not be afraid of use them...

That is my True Vision about Life, but still that is not what I am...

2 comments:

Thiago said...

Tá enlouquecendo aí sozinho...

Mas o texto ficou legal... :P

GH of Xaos said...

Eu ja era assim antes de vir! :P