The Future Mirror's Tale of an Undreamed Past?

I foresaw a future that is now in another one's past, and for me it seems lost... If lost, for how long? Maybe forever lost. But there is a future yet to happen, and that which this other foresees today could be the past of mine tomorrow... The lost will be found when no one seeks it anymore, or when you ask a Xaositect to find it for you. Know that Never is lost, when Forever is found. And when the future is not yet totally lost, where could it be retrieved?

There is still hope for the dreamer, when his life becomes his dream, and his dream becomes his life... This one should no be here, I know, but where? I also know the tale of the faerie who was afraid of a certain dragon, but now is not the time to tell this story. It, and everything else, shall be continued when that which may be lost, could be retrieved... Or when another one dreams the past of my future!

Strange but necessary...

I once saw the Mirror of Eyes, but It is now closed to me... What the Mirror showed me? A past that never was present, but was once a future... And Lo! Before the entrance to the Dreamland, the Mirror awaits for those who knows how to find it...

.sigh.

Hard Life to Live ends, while Summer in Berlin starts! The Eternal Idol Black Sabbath into Forever Young Alphaville... Now, all the desires of my Mind require a trip to the Dreaming, and there is my Mind's currently destination...

Random Thoughts

Sometimes The Dreaming is much more cruel than the real life...

I have a feeling that a war is about to start... But that was just a mad dream... and cruel, not because of the war...

I think COPOM sucks! And they really do not understand nothing about economy, or they do not really care for the real economic growth of Brasil.

The second season of my game started yesterday... Time to put fear again in the heart of my players!

Eu sou a favor da regulamentacão (o cedilha não está funcionando no meu teclado) da profissão de Físico.

P.S.: The last thought was written in portuguese mainly because I don't know how to say "regulamentacão" in english. It is also just a matter of internal politics, that I don't think concern anyone but the Brazilian physicist population.

Turning Point ?

...and so, a future that I thought was still very far in the future, starts to unfold before my very eyes. Now I am certain I am reaching a turning point in my life, but not a turning point when only one important decision will matter, this time the decisions to be made are more than just one and they are of much more significance than all the others I have made so far...

And in the Dreamscape, something was unleashed... Something Evil... Something that I shall face alone and soon...

The Mirror of Eyes

There, somewhere between the border of the Mindscape and the Dreamland, lies the Mirror of Eyes, silent, with its countless eyes upon you, some of the eyes dead, some of them living, some real, but most of them unreal. Do not be fooled by them, they all are staring deep into your soul, waiting for the right bargain to be made. You might never feel Its invisible empty presence in your entire life, but it knows every secret of your soul... And to face It is to face oneself alone...

Dreamland reference I

Future reference to access hidden knowledge inside the mindscape:

"Warded" chandelier in the entry hall of an old haunted hotel. Fear. Dormant Evil inside. Not enough willpower to create a protection sigil. Evil disturbed and awakened by the magical energies.

A small glimpse of The Malignant Eldritch Cube of Ann Arbor

This is just a small glimpse of the Eldritch Malevolence of the Cube. It seems just a simple cube, but it is what it appears to be! Look at what happened when I approached it just for half a meter...

As you can see a very bizarre and non-natural effect happened when I began to approach it. Actually, it seems it is a little bit farther than before. It was not a zooming effect, and the blurred image is not a trembling effect. The blurring was due to the camera being unable to capture and process properly the bizarre sighting. Space-time was really warped near The Malignant Artifact., due to the intensity of Evil emanating from its non-euclidean maddening angles.

As I was trying to getting near it, I started to glimpse, through a fracture in the space-time fabric, countless amorphous blobs of proto-matter revolving in the nightmarish void around The Pan-Dimensional Artifact, in a very non-friendly manner. I had to back off... Next time, I need to properly carve the correct Eldritch Sigils across the surface of the camera, and also wear the Elder sign of protection against its amorphous minions and its utmost wickedness.

I fear for a breach in the Local Space-Time Continuum soon... Ann Arbor will be invaded by pseudo-natural entities from the void beyond the boundaries of the Multiverse soon... The Doom is upon us all!! Cenobites...

Life

I am an astrophysicist student, but that is not what I am! What defines me? My work helps to define me, but I am not defined by my work! Part of what I am I have already discovered, and it is what I have lived and already learned, and part of it is what I am living and learning right now. But there is a part that I have yet to discover, and that is what keeps me going further and further...

Life is something so limited. People need to follow so many rules in life. People need to breath. People need to eat. People are bound to the Laws of Physics, and other undisclosed laws that seems to be beyond physics at all. People even have to follow rules defined by other people, and these other people not always want the best for whom they are making the rules for... But they have to live within these limits during many decades. And these rules are what life is for a great majority of people around the world. And for great majority of people, the only thing that differentiates one person from another are their work, their family and their friends. They don't even realize that they are trapped inside this Tome of Laws, and that their life is simply following these laws.

A long time ago I realized that I did not want to follow these rules anymore. I don't want to have a "normal" life. I don't want to live a job to earn money, then spend the same money, repeating the cycle until the end of my days, with some small variations in what I am spending the money with: myself, family, friends (these thing not even vary that much, do they?). I don't want to follow any religion, because I don't trust the people who made of religion their particular business, and I really don't want to follow a path that was defined by others who think they know the path to find the ultimate salvation and redemption. What is redemption and what is salvation after all?

I want to have a work, because I learn things while I am at work, things that are not always that useful for the society, but I don't care about what they think is useful or not, I just want to learn. Money is just one of those society-imposed laws, so for now I still have to earn some if I want to live, since nowadays there are some critical biological laws that requires the use of some amount of money to be followed (food, health care, water...). But for me life goes far beyond work, money, and the predefined religions. I want to learn things that are beyond the scope of my work, I want to learn how to see the hidden pattern and the hidden chaos that is beyond the veils of Reality. My Religion is my Unpredictable Life, and for me is the wisest path to follow. Will it leads me to my redemption and salvation? It will surely take me where I want to go, even that I do not know yet where is this place.

The most beautiful thing about one's life is that is not simply defined by oneself. The life of everyone is a great entangled web. Every person in the world is connected to this great web, and every person helps define the life of everyone else. This is the great source of chaos and unpredictability that rules everyone's life. And there is much more to this Web than only people, there are many other things keeping life churning and moving in a ever-changing way. But even this endless source of chaos is not able to make most of the people realize how great is life, and how all those "chains" are limiting their true life's potential.

I am a still caged apprentice of life. My mind insanely seeks things that are still beyond my reach, but things that I know are "true". I am not The Perfect Model Worker, nor do I want to be one during my entire life. The riches I seek are far beyond anything money can buy me. The path I have chosen to follow does not lead me to Redemption nor even to Salvation as envisioned by the predefined "great" religions, instead it leads me to the Frightening and Obliterating Unknown. And I am not afraid.

I am a Madman. Perhaps a "Dreamer". I have seen small glimpses of the "True" for the most ephemeral of moments, and that was the source of my insanity and what drives me to my Quest. I remain locked in an Asylum, that is not just "another one" but "THE". I have already one Key in my hand, but there are yet many others to obtain. I will find them all, and I will not be afraid of use them...

That is my True Vision about Life, but still that is not what I am...

15 Days Left...

My mind is so full of things. Lots of internal conflicts, lots of things to do, lots of new things to come, and lots of problems to solve. My docs from the University of Michigan still did not arrive. I have re-scheduled my visit to the American Consulate for the second time, and also my trip to São Paulo. I had to pay a re-schedule tax to change my airplane ticket, and also my visa appointment. This DS-2019 is giving me some headaches, and is draining my money away due to all this re-scheduling thing... And I still have to fill other two forms, and pay some other taxes just to get my US Visa. I guess that in the next few weeks, all my life will be only bureaucracy. (SO BORING!!)

I have made my initial reservation in Ann Arbor's Lamp Post Inn, and I have a place to stay for the first week, and I expect to find a more permanent place in that week, and the move out from the inn. I still do not know how to go from Detroit Metro Airport to Ann Arbor, but I found out that a taxi would cost me $47. I will look for a cheaper option when I get there, I know there buses and I think there is a nearby train station too.

I am sending e-mails to people wanting to share apartments and houses in Ann Arbor, but almost no one answers me. Damn, I never thought it would be so difficult to receive a reply. I hope to have better luck when I am there, but I am not going to stop looking yet.

And then there were some weird facts in The Dreaming last night, that have made my sleep unrestful, and have left me intrigued all day long. I do not know if "unrestful" is an existing word, but I guess you get the meaning. What did happen in the dreaming? Well... Just some strange facts, that would not make any sense to anyone but me, so do not worry too much about that. Dreams are just weird, aren't they? And some of them are just weirder than others... But every night I go to sleep thinking about having weird dreams, they are what make my sleep worth of my sleeping time... :P

Time is flowing, and the time of my adventure is getting nearer. I just think that it have already started, with all this problems to solve... Well... Life is just a big adventure after all... Always changing and churning, so chaotic and fascinating... Always the unknown and sometimes the unexpected ahead of you!!

I am not afraid! And I will not fade away... You can be sure of that! ]-]

15 days to go, and counting down...

Sleeping...

I am truly having some sleeping problems. As if the "ghosts" were not enough, now I have problems with light! I can't sleep efectively after the Sun rises. Vampires can't stay awake after the Sun rises, and I can't sleep, so I am just a kind of green anti-vampire creature. The problem is that my room is too bright, and when the Sun rises it lights my room to fast, and it starts to become harder and harder to remain asleep.

As you can see, things are just getting better and better. I ever thought that sleep was a waste of time, but I always loved to sleep! I am being torn asunder from The Dreaming, and I don't like that.

I guess I will change the white walls of my room by black walls, and/or change the white curtains by black curtains. Then my room with be axiomatically dark, and I would sleep after the Sun rises.

Resumo

Gostaria de reiterar sobre o objetivo principal deste blog. Alguma das últimas mensagens podem parecer totalmente sem sentido. E elas realmente não tem sentido nenhum, e este é o ponto. Claro, para a pessoa que escreve, existe realmente um sentido oculto naquilo. Quero dizer que vocês podem ficar à vontade lendo, e se quiserem podem fazer um esforço de tentar entender o sentido oculto da mensagem, ou ainda interpretar da maneira que for mais conveniente para vocês.

O objetivo aqui é o Caos. E em várias das mensagens, eu estou tentando brincar com isso. Algumas são mais sérias do que outras, mas os momentos são assim realmente. Espero que os puristas da linguagem não achem ruim quando eu misturar inglês e português na mesma mensagem. E eu vou continuar escrevendo tanto em inglês quanto em português. Infelizmente meu alemão não é tão bom de modo a poder misturá-lo às mensagens também. E claro, eventualmente, eu ainda vou usar "scramblespeak", aí sim que ninguém vai entender nada. Se alguém leu a "scramblepoetry" a alguns dias atrás, eu digo que "scramblespeak" é algo parecido.

Qualquer dia eu falo sobre o limbo, nunca falei dele, e ele é importante. Apenas tenho que estar mais inspirado.

Eu ainda gosto do número 897, portanto ele ainda fica escondido por aí. Quando eu achar um número primo legal, eu o coloco aqui. Normalmente, eu fatoro números de placas, ou número das comandas de restaurante, em busca de novos números primos, de cabeça, mas não tenho feito isso ultimamente.

Eu já zerei o "Guitar Hero", e já nem estou jogando tanto quanto antes. Cansei de jogar PS2 de novo.

Ainda estou esperando o e-mail da minha co-orientadora, falando sobre o erro no código do programa.

Nunca mais vi a menina "heavy metal" com os braços todos marcados por cortes que eu encontrei no ônibus. E nunca mais sonhei com a menina dos olhos verdes brilhantes, mas encontrei com ela pessoalmente.

Estou lendo um livro chamado "O Despertar dos Mágicos". Um dia eu falo mais sobre ele.

E a Vida continua. O Tempo ainda passa, mas eu ainda descubro uma maneira de vencê-lo. O Mundo continua gigantesco com suas ilhas minúsculas no meio do pacífico. A Dor um dia desaparece, e eventualmente aparece de novo. Medos são difíceis de vencer, mas devem ser vencidos. Os Fantasmas ainda assombram. Mas sempre haverá a Esperança na busca de um novo dia, melhor que o anterior.

O Castelo continua em construção. E o Diamante, ainda bruto, continua sendo lapidado. Os Olhos brilharão novamente, a Força retornará aos músculos. O Propósito primordial voltará a consciência. O jovem Dragão ousará voar alto, muito alto.

Continua...

The Girl with glowing green eyes...

There were a girl with glowing green eyes looking at me today in the Dreaming. Looking as deep inside me as she could, and I was doing the same. It was simply impossible not to look. And all I wanted was to keep looking and drown myself in her gaze.

I know this girl, not as good as I wanted but I know her a little bit already. She doesn't have glowing green eyes, her eyes were not even green, but I'm sure it was she!

I don't know why I am writing this down in this blog. It is something that does not concern anyone but me. Even so it was the only thing that crossed my mind when I thought about something to write here. Maybe this girl will read it someday, and will know that I was talking about her... Who knows!?