The Future Mirror's Tale of an Undreamed Past?

I foresaw a future that is now in another one's past, and for me it seems lost... If lost, for how long? Maybe forever lost. But there is a future yet to happen, and that which this other foresees today could be the past of mine tomorrow... The lost will be found when no one seeks it anymore, or when you ask a Xaositect to find it for you. Know that Never is lost, when Forever is found. And when the future is not yet totally lost, where could it be retrieved?

There is still hope for the dreamer, when his life becomes his dream, and his dream becomes his life... This one should no be here, I know, but where? I also know the tale of the faerie who was afraid of a certain dragon, but now is not the time to tell this story. It, and everything else, shall be continued when that which may be lost, could be retrieved... Or when another one dreams the past of my future!

Strange but necessary...

I once saw the Mirror of Eyes, but It is now closed to me... What the Mirror showed me? A past that never was present, but was once a future... And Lo! Before the entrance to the Dreamland, the Mirror awaits for those who knows how to find it...

.sigh.

Hard Life to Live ends, while Summer in Berlin starts! The Eternal Idol Black Sabbath into Forever Young Alphaville... Now, all the desires of my Mind require a trip to the Dreaming, and there is my Mind's currently destination...

Last 19 hours...

So it is time to go back to Brasil again. These are my last hours in Ann Arbor. In this moment I am much more sad than anxious. Sad not because I don't want to go back to Brasil, but because I had to say "goodbye" to a lot of people I will surely miss. I never thought it would be so difficult to go back home.

I can say for sure, that the time I spent here will never be forgotten. It was one of the most amazing, and challenging experiences in my life. I am sure I am not the same Gustavo that left Brasil almost 10 months ago. When I arrived in Ann Arbor, I was totally alone, I did not knew anyone, and had no place to stay but a hotel room. It was fun to start everything from 'zero', but it was not easy. I survived more than one month without having a computer, and almost three months without Internet at home. I could barely understand what people said to me, and it was almost impossible to follow conversations. I lived totally alone for 2 months, and I had to learn how to cook basic stuff, and how to take care of my place (that is fun actually). During these 2 months there were days when I talked to no one at all... Many days without saying a simple word to anybody. And sometimes I felt really depressed... I also had a hurting heart, that was still trying to heal...

A lot changed after that. I don't know if all the changes were for the good though, but I learned a lot here. My cooking skills have improved a little bit (I guess I have 2 points of cooking, instead of just one). Now I am able to follow most of the conversations I hear, and I had not problem in understanding people talking in English anymore. My heart is fully healed now, and ready for the nearby future... I have met a bunch of people. Some of them just passed through my life, and I am sure I will never hear about them anymore. People that I thought were friends, but turned to be a great disappointment. And people who I will remember through all my life, and I really hope to meet again someday...

My last few days here showed my a critical fault in my personality, and something that must be changed at all costs.

My view about the United States, and the Americans had changed totally while I was here too. But I will tell about it in another post, in the near future.

I just wanted the World to be a smaller place...

So 2008 started...

First post of the year! I was thinking about writing about the New Year's Party, yesterday, but I decided that I am going to write about it later, but I will publish it only one year from now. Well... if I remember about it by that time. But I can tell you that the party was okay, far from the best, but it was not the worst, either. It was very different, though. And by the end of the night I was sure about one thing... I shall never be dependent on the goodwill of others again! That was also something I learned last year. That does not mean I will not trust anyone anymore, it just means that I will never expect any favor or any kindness from anyone, anymore... It does not mean I did not meet nice people here, far from that, but I have met a few people who disappointed me. I will write about it sometime in the future... It simply is not time for that yet...

Changing subject totally, today, in the first day of this still new year, Xaos received its 100th habitant, and it turned into a hamlet. It is still a very small place, but it is getting larger. So far, Xaos has 100 habitants, and 17 industries, no unemployment, no pollution, no crimes, and everybody has access to transportation. As the Mayor of Xaos, I am very proud of the city development, and I welcome everyone who wants to come to Xaos, to live or to set up some industries. With this rising number of habitants, I am also looking for people interested in help to develop the transport networks of our beloved Xaos, if you are such person, feel free to come to Xaos, and talk to me about it.

When I woke up today, I turned on the TV, and there was a show about the future first human mission to Mars. We still have to overcome so many problems, some of them very difficult ones, but I am sure I am going to see that happen. There are a lot of people in the world that are totally against such crazy and extremely expensive projects, and think that this colossal project is a tremendous waste of resources, while there are so many problems to be solved on Earth, like famine, poverty, environmental problems, etc... I really do not think that as a waste of resources, actually, I see that as one of the biggest hopes for humankind... I am not thinking about the end of life on Earth due to our lack of success in reverse all the environmental damage already done to our planet... I am, actually, thinking about hope for humankind, thinking about untapped human potential, and technological advancements. I am sure that when that happens all humanity will stop everything to see that happening, as happened when humans first set foot on the Moon. That kind of thing is something that for a very brief moment of time makes you proud of being part of the human race. That moment will be the most exciting event of this century, when that happens... Only to think about the technological advancements necessary for that trip makes me excited.

After I have watched that show about the Mars trip, I decided to start shoveling the snow outside the house. Damn... That was tiresome! I am broken right now... Enough exercise for one week. I love when it snows, as it was snowing when the New Year started, but shovel snow is not fun! :P

Current Path

I know where my Path is leading me. That is why I am afraid, but I will face it...
You do not want to know where It is leading me... But there will always be hope!
And always a smile. :)

Resumo

Gostaria de reiterar sobre o objetivo principal deste blog. Alguma das últimas mensagens podem parecer totalmente sem sentido. E elas realmente não tem sentido nenhum, e este é o ponto. Claro, para a pessoa que escreve, existe realmente um sentido oculto naquilo. Quero dizer que vocês podem ficar à vontade lendo, e se quiserem podem fazer um esforço de tentar entender o sentido oculto da mensagem, ou ainda interpretar da maneira que for mais conveniente para vocês.

O objetivo aqui é o Caos. E em várias das mensagens, eu estou tentando brincar com isso. Algumas são mais sérias do que outras, mas os momentos são assim realmente. Espero que os puristas da linguagem não achem ruim quando eu misturar inglês e português na mesma mensagem. E eu vou continuar escrevendo tanto em inglês quanto em português. Infelizmente meu alemão não é tão bom de modo a poder misturá-lo às mensagens também. E claro, eventualmente, eu ainda vou usar "scramblespeak", aí sim que ninguém vai entender nada. Se alguém leu a "scramblepoetry" a alguns dias atrás, eu digo que "scramblespeak" é algo parecido.

Qualquer dia eu falo sobre o limbo, nunca falei dele, e ele é importante. Apenas tenho que estar mais inspirado.

Eu ainda gosto do número 897, portanto ele ainda fica escondido por aí. Quando eu achar um número primo legal, eu o coloco aqui. Normalmente, eu fatoro números de placas, ou número das comandas de restaurante, em busca de novos números primos, de cabeça, mas não tenho feito isso ultimamente.

Eu já zerei o "Guitar Hero", e já nem estou jogando tanto quanto antes. Cansei de jogar PS2 de novo.

Ainda estou esperando o e-mail da minha co-orientadora, falando sobre o erro no código do programa.

Nunca mais vi a menina "heavy metal" com os braços todos marcados por cortes que eu encontrei no ônibus. E nunca mais sonhei com a menina dos olhos verdes brilhantes, mas encontrei com ela pessoalmente.

Estou lendo um livro chamado "O Despertar dos Mágicos". Um dia eu falo mais sobre ele.

E a Vida continua. O Tempo ainda passa, mas eu ainda descubro uma maneira de vencê-lo. O Mundo continua gigantesco com suas ilhas minúsculas no meio do pacífico. A Dor um dia desaparece, e eventualmente aparece de novo. Medos são difíceis de vencer, mas devem ser vencidos. Os Fantasmas ainda assombram. Mas sempre haverá a Esperança na busca de um novo dia, melhor que o anterior.

O Castelo continua em construção. E o Diamante, ainda bruto, continua sendo lapidado. Os Olhos brilharão novamente, a Força retornará aos músculos. O Propósito primordial voltará a consciência. O jovem Dragão ousará voar alto, muito alto.

Continua...

.SIGH.

Time is running low...
.sigh.
(...)

Fire! Fire! Fire!
Spontaneous combustion!

Rock'n'Roll!
Conflicting thoughts... Peace of mind...
Nothing but rumble...
Wow...

Heart beating hard...
Hard beating the heart...
Embrace
Pain? Love? All!

Stars... The hunter... A sword!
Where? I know!
Eyes gazing!
I am
The chain with her...
Protection, I know... My blood!

No one knows! My chains away (...)
Locked with another...
Broken? No!
Need be? Not yet!
One day will...
Alone or not!

Locked eyes gazing my soul...
Green!! Yes...
Yellow ones! Mine...
Green and yellow...
Hope!
Burning...

Strength, intention...
Will! Boldness...

The wind brings peace!
.sigh.

Understand? No? Yes...
Scramblepoetry!
Got it?

oHw am I gnielfe yotad!
Who cares?

Pain and Hope

Sometimes I wonder about how much pain I will still feel in my life! How much can I still endure? I am not afraid of pain, but I don't love it either. The great problem is that for each moment of joy you have in your life, there will also be a moment of sadness. So, the ideal way is to make the joy last for as long as you could do it. And for that to work, we must not fear the pain that it could cause in the future. This is something that I learned not so long ago.

Sometimes the pain could be just faint, and other it seems to be unbearable. It start with pain, and then comes despair, and then you just wish for it to end, but it just get worse. That is when you must be the stronger that you can. Feel it. Face it. It is hard, but it is worth. You shall not let pain nor despair overcome you. In time it will just pass away, and you will find the hope to keep moving...

And then you are prepared to face the world and your life again with more strength and determination than you once have...

Sometimes I wonder about how much I still have to learn in my life...