Out of Phase

There are days when it really seems that I live a life that's totally out of phase with the rest of the world! Thus, someday you find someone and think that the person is in the same phase as you, but suddenly, usually too late, you realize this person is in the exactly opposite phase, and then: destructive interference! You lose some sanity points, gain some scars and life goes on again...

Thank you, Entropy, for the Chaos and Madness in my life! (By the way, this was a sarcastic exclamation!)

The Future Mirror's Tale of an Undreamed Past?

I foresaw a future that is now in another one's past, and for me it seems lost... If lost, for how long? Maybe forever lost. But there is a future yet to happen, and that which this other foresees today could be the past of mine tomorrow... The lost will be found when no one seeks it anymore, or when you ask a Xaositect to find it for you. Know that Never is lost, when Forever is found. And when the future is not yet totally lost, where could it be retrieved?

There is still hope for the dreamer, when his life becomes his dream, and his dream becomes his life... This one should no be here, I know, but where? I also know the tale of the faerie who was afraid of a certain dragon, but now is not the time to tell this story. It, and everything else, shall be continued when that which may be lost, could be retrieved... Or when another one dreams the past of my future!

Strange but necessary...

I once saw the Mirror of Eyes, but It is now closed to me... What the Mirror showed me? A past that never was present, but was once a future... And Lo! Before the entrance to the Dreamland, the Mirror awaits for those who knows how to find it...

.sigh.

Hard Life to Live ends, while Summer in Berlin starts! The Eternal Idol Black Sabbath into Forever Young Alphaville... Now, all the desires of my Mind require a trip to the Dreaming, and there is my Mind's currently destination...

The Poor Green Queen of Hearts!

I don't know if my life needs more insanity, or if my insanity needs more life... But I know that in the future the world will be ruled by flying jellyfishes, and then it will end by hyper-dimensional tentacles...

.sigh.

The green Queen of hearts wants the martians out of the solar system, so she decided to use a reversed vacuum cleaner to blew Mars away... After that she decided to walk on the ceiling with her jellyfish companion. Unbeknownst to her is the fact that the jellyfish plots to overthrow her with the help of his were-lobsters minions!

So it has been written, and so it shall be done!

Raggatta de Blanc has just finished...

Novo Natal

A partir do ano que vem, comemoro o Natal no dia 27 de Setembro. Não é uma data aleatória, e acho que futuramente ela será lembrada por ter uma importância bem maior que a atual data... Eu acho! Ah, e não é o meu aniversário, diga-se de passagem.

Mas tomara que poucas pessoas comemorem o Natal nessa data, assim eu não tenho que me preocupar em enfrentar shoppings lotados na véspera do Natal.

Feliz Natal a todos! :)

Sobre Tapetes de Banheiro

Eu nunca nem percebi que tapetes de banheiro têm frente e verso. A única finalidade do tapete pra mim é não deixar o chão do banheiro molhar assim que você sai do banho. Quando ele está pendurado no box, eu o puxo, jogo no chão e arrasto com o pé até mais ou menos a entrada/saída do box, e é isso aí. Depois do banho, piso nele, pego a toalha, e me enxugo sobre o aparato de tecido supracitado.

Tempos atrás, percebi que de repente, havia dois tapetes pendurados sobre o box. Pensei comigo mesmo que devia ser porque a parede onde se encontram as toalhas ficavam a mais de dois passos do box, e o segundo tapete era pra fazer uma ponte até a parede, para não molhar o chão. E desde então é o que eu sempre faço. Um pequeno caminho de tapetes até as toalhas.

Não é que eu estava errado. A finalidade não é essa, e ontem descobri o porquê dos dois tapetes. Segundo o que me foi dito, um dos tapetes é o tapete da minha irmã, que não gosta que eu o use, porque eu o uso ao contrário, do lado errado!!!! E o tapete fica molhado do lado errado!!!! Mal sabe ela que eu uso os dois tapetes ao mesmo tempo!

Pelamordedeus!!! Convenhamos, tapetes, como objetos praticamente bidimensionais e permeáveis, quando se molha uma de suas superfícies, automaticamente se molha a outra! Eu mal percebo a diferença entre o lado da frente e o lado de trás do tapete, na realidade, eu nem sei diferenciar os dois lados. Pra mim é tudo igual! Como alguém pode ser tão chato a ponto de reclamar que se usou o tapete do banheiro com a superfície errada voltada para cima, ou pior, que se molhou a superfícies errada de um tapete de banheiro!??? Será que também tem a posição certa para que ele seja usado? Com o lado menor totalmente paralelo ao vidro do box, e exatos 33,5 cm de distância do mesmo!? Será que esses fatores dependem do tamanho, cor e estilo do tapete? Alguém sabe de algum curso onde se ensina como colocar um tapete no banheiro!? E alguém sabe de alguma maneira de se molhar apenas um dos lados do tapete!? Talvez esse seja meu real problema!!

Só faltam colocarem uma etiquetinha, dizendo qual dos tapetes eu, como um ignorante sobre o uso de tapetes de banheiro, devo utilizar!

De qualquer forma, continuarei utilizando os dois tapetes para fazer a "pontezinha" até as toalhas, enquanto não faço um curso que me ensine os procedimentos corretos que devem ser adotados com os tapetes de banheiro.

Qualquer informação elucidativa sobre tais, agora misteriosos, objetos é muito bem vinda! :P

The Weird that might not be so weird

... and if all those absurd conspiracy theories, that seem to come from the delirious mind of some people, were nothing but a background to confuse, and hide the real conspiracy!?

There are so many weird conspiracy theories around the world, regarding whatever theme suits you best, and most of them are so absurd that it is very easy to simply regard them as just fantasy, bullshit, and the work of a very delirious mind... But, if that was something planned, something carefully woven as the great tapestry of all time. A tapestry of facts, where 99% of them are just too absurd to be believed, but the remaining 1% is not so absurd after all, and actually mirror exactly what is really happening... You look at the bigger picture and all you see is fantasy, illusions, a world that seem so far from the truth that you disregard the whole picture, not even looking at the Real details... Blindness and Disinformation.

Why? Because we think that we are too smart to be deceived. We are simply arrogant in our own blindness. The ones who know the truth, thus can control you, watching your blind life, and laughing at it...

Bolinhas de Gude e Bene Tleilax!

"The spice must flow, and the green transparent marbles must be hated." - The Spacing Guild Handbook of Galactic Paper Folding and Commercial Enterprises

Se tem uma coisa que me deixa MUITO nervoso, são bolinhas de gude! Elas são verdes, e meio transparentes! Tem coisa mais revoltante do que coisas verdes e transparentes!? Claro que não!!

Eu sou verde, entretanto, eu sou totalmente opaco! Aceitável pelos padrões sócio-econômicos normais e pela CNTP! Mas eu não sou mau, e portanto sou a exceção viva à regra: "Se é verde, é mau, e deve morrer!" A maldade está diretamente ligada ao processo de produzir energia através da fotossíntese! Bom... eu acho! Sei que ainda não faço fotossíntese, mas quem sabe um dia!? Mas será que quando este dia chegar, eu serei alguém mau?

Bolinhas de gude são más! Pelo menos hoje, elas são... Amanhã talvez eu sinta um pouco menos de asco em relação a elas, ou talvez eu nem me lembre de que hoje eu as tenha odiado! Ódio é uma palavra muito forte, mas cabe bem no caso... Eu ODEIO queijo, e hoje, bolinhas de gude! Queijo eu sempre odiarei...

O que seria da raça humana se não fossem os médicos!? Minha opinião é a de que seríamos mais baratas, e mais humanos... Homens-baratas!? Não... Antes que perguntem, eu nunca li! O quê!? Se você se sente confuso, não se preocupe, você também nunca leu, o que não importa. Talvez os humanos fossem até mais verdes... Hmmm... Então seriam maus, e deveriam ser exterminados! Azul é uma boa cor... Talvez fossêmos homens-baratas-azuis! Com certeza seria mais divertido...

E o que as bolinhas de gude têm a ver com isso!? Bom, em algum momento você leu que elas eram culpadas de alguma coisa!? Se leu está enganado! Eu simplesmente odeio bolinhas de gude hoje, pelo simples fato de ter que odiar alguma coisa todo dia... Odiar políticos, advogados, e queijo não tem mais graça! Preciso de um ódio novo! Bolinhas de gude verde e transparentes hoje, e amanhã, hmmm... Amanhã é um novo dia!

Vou continuar lendo "The Battle fo Corrin". E eu sinto, também, uma certa repulsa, talvez eterna, pelos Bene Tleilax a partir de hoje... "Axlotl Tanks"!? Tleilax é uma palavra muito legal de se pronunciar, agora Axlotl, eu nem sei se alguma língua terrestre consegue reproduzir tal som com perfeição, mas mesmo assim eu adorei a palavra. O problema é o conceito ligado aos "Axlotl Tanks". Acho que nem mesmo a mais verde é má das criaturas seria capaz de por em prática tal conceito, só os Bene Tleilax mesmo! Deve ser tudo viado!

Small (True) Dialogue

...
GH of Xaos: And if I am GOD?
SM: Then you suck at it!
Both: HAUhAUhUAHuAHuAHUha...
...

Just Another Misconceived Idea?

Have you ever had the feeling that due to some hidden process or reason, you are the cause of someone else's bad luck? Worse yet, someone you like very much!

It might be very presumptuous of me to think like that, but when everything seemed to have gone awry just after I became part of this someone's life, and, since that, nothing good seemed to have happened in this person's life, the idea does not seem so misconceived...

Yes! I am crazy, megalomaniac, arrogant, and maybe much more and worse than that... But, beyond that, I do not know what to do, and those feeling are just ripping my soul apart...

.sigh.

Maybe I am doing everything wrong, and it is really all my fault... Damn! May the Elder Gods enlighten me... (This time I swear I want enlightenment, not more confusion and insanity, if there is really a way to not have the whole package together...)

Strange Sightings

... and so it came to pass that I was inside the bus, going to the University, wondering about something already forgotten, and then over the window I saw it... There... Something that should not be there. Was that my mind playing a trick on me? Was it the true face of reality? Or just the hidden face of Insanity making an ephemeral appearance in my mind? I do not know...

I saw it inside a car that just passed by. For a glimpse of a moment I thought I have just seen something that should not be... I closed my eyes for a while, then blinked two or three times, and looked again... I was not mistaken. There was something very amiss driving that car. There seemed to be an aura of wrongness around that figure, something non-euclidean surrounding that thing... And just in the midst of that aura of insanity was the thing I can not even start to describe, even though I still can see that which should not be clearly in my mind...

That thing was driving the car. It was humanoid, but what else? No tentacles that I could see, though. But I saw it as something shaped by the hands of Entropy Itself... It was not only horrid, but also decayed as I have never seen before... A zombie of some sort driving a car!! How dead was that, I have no idea! Fortunately for me, the sighting was a very rapid one, but I can not take it out of my mind... Am I going insane or are there truly zombies amongst ourselves? And that aura surrounding it, what was it?

And the small green footprints, of a large humanoid beast I have seen in my way home, while I was crossing the Human Sciences Building (FAFICH)? Was that someone's doing, or another trick played by Reality on me?

And there was something else I cannot recall, maybe a selective amnesia to keep my mind from another trauma...

Shall I trust everything I see? Or are really things that are not true!? Or maybe too TRUE to be perceived by common eyes!? Things that the people's mind just filter to not shatter!? Why me??

It can only be The Cube!! I know... It is the Cube hunting me, even in my dreams... And I though I was free... The Cube's minions are after me, after so long, but who are they!? Can I escape? At least, I have not seen any of those Evil Squirrels anymore... It can also be The Rock, or maybe both!! I hope I am not doomed... I will run away... Where? I cannot tell yet, but I will be free from The Cube invisible clutches again... I swear I will!!

Or maybe Entropy is just showing me something... Something that I already know (?), but I have not seen yet...

Broken Quasi-Stability

...and when you think your insanity has reached an optimal quasi-stable level, one to which you are fully satisfied, then, suddenly it happens, and your mind starts to play new tricks on you, and madness starts to grow and reshape itself again...

I do not like stagnation, but every time it breaks, I have to learn how to be more and more misleading...

The normal world, which was once the only reality known, is just a faint shadow of the Truth. Before the eyes, just a semi-transparent veil over the unfathomable... Something so alien the mind can barely grasp an ephemeral piece of understanding without shatter... The ephemeral turns to be so deep that seems to be Infinity, and maybe It is that... What remains? Nothing else, but_

I don't think I can pass as a normal person anymore, but who cares? My Peace lies where I am, never in the same place... A wanderer... A daylight dreamer... Dreams or Nightmares? Irrelevant. The only known path, should be cautiously taken, a misstep and obliteration follows.

What I have seen today? Just the usual Purple Tentacle trying to takeover the world.

Instead of writing this, I should have been reading a paper to prepare a seminar... Towards Understanding Massive Star Formation... The usual.

...and oblivious to the world around it, it plots, hidden, unknown, waiting for the time to reveal another ephemeral piece of the Ever-Changing Puzzle, and destroy another quasi-stable view of an already deranged, disarrayed and unstable Reality...

A Small Insight

The answers and the understanding that I seek is clearer today than it was yesterday... There is beauty even in things that look dreary and hopeless... I have seen it... Can you?

...and the quest continues...

Dust in the Wind

Religion is something interesting. Religious people look at things in a way that does not contradict their beliefs, but instead strengthen their religion, and in this way an every day fact gives them strength. Faith is a source of strength, and makes everything a little bit easier, even when it seems the Multiverse is conspiring against you, and nothing seems to work right. Usually religions are meant to be soothing and to give people hope, even in their darkest hour.

Today I was walking towards my building in the University, and I was thinking about my own religion. The Doomguard, the followers of Entropy. It is a weird religion I admit, and most people might think I am totally insane just to follow such a non-standard concept, and then call this a religion... Anyway, I was walking, hearing music in my MP3 player, wondering, and then, as an omen, it started to play a music called "Dust in the Wind" from a band called "Kansas". And while that happened, I saw for the first time the world in the eyes of a Doomguard. I will not even dare to describe what I saw here, as I do not want to scare you. It was not something soothing, nor gave me any hope, but it was beautiful in a way. And that made me think about life as it is today, not only mine, but everyone's.

In the end, there will be nothing, not even dust, much less wind... So why? We are nothing but tools of destruction, even not knowing. People build and care, but it decays. People create, and time destroys. Life was born, just to die.

All I am now is Confusion, Insanity, Chaos and Conflict... And there is where I have found "Peace" for now, but the search continues... What do I seek? Understanding...



DUST IN THE WIND
By KANSAS

I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind

Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind.
Oh________________

Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy

Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind (everything is dust in the wind)

What D&D Character are You?

I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Human Fighter/Sorcerer (2nd/1st Level)


Ability Scores:

Strength-12

Dexterity-11

Constitution-13

Intelligence-15

Wisdom-17

Charisma-10


Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society's restrictions and a do-gooder's zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.


Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.


Primary Class:
Fighters can be many things, from soldiers to criminal enforcers. Some see adventure as a way to get rich, while others use their skills to protect the innocent. Fighters have the best all-around fighting capabilities of the PC classes, and they are trained to use all standard weapons and armor. A fighter's rigorous martial training grants him many bonus feats as he progresses, and high-level fighters have access to special melee maneuvers and exotic weapons not available to any other character.


Secondary Class:
Sorcerers are arcane spellcasters who manipulate magic energy with imagination and talent rather than studious discipline. They have no books, no mentors, no theories just raw power that they direct at will. Sorcerers know fewer spells than wizards do and acquire them more slowly, but they can cast individual spells more often and have no need to prepare their incantations ahead of time. Also unlike wizards, sorcerers cannot specialize in a school of magic. Since sorcerers gain their powers without undergoing the years of rigorous study that wizards go through, they have more time to learn fighting skills and are proficient with simple weapons. Charisma is very important for sorcerers; the higher their value in this ability, the higher the spell level they can cast.


Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

P.S.: As you can see, my path was totally wrongly chosen!! Damn it!! I will have to start from scratch! :P

P.S.S.: Looking at the result in a more detailed way, I have noticed that I have the same score in the fighter, sorcerer and wizard classes (4 points in each). Due to my ability scores, I guess I would be a better mage/fighter, instead of a fighter/sorcerer. But I did not change the test results. :P


Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXX (8)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (25)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (27)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXX (5)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XX (2)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXX (6)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Evil ---- XXX (3)

Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Dwarf ---- XXXX (4)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Halfling - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Half-Orc - XX (2)

Class:
Barbarian - (-4)
Bard ------ (-2)
Cleric ---- (-4)
Druid ----- XX (2)
Fighter --- XXXX (4)
Monk ------ (-21)
Paladin --- (-21)
Ranger ---- XX (2)
Rogue ----- (-6)
Sorcerer -- XXXX (4)
Wizard ---- XXXX (4)

Random Swimming and Playing...

Life in Brasil is almost as before I left the country last year. I am back to the swimming classes, and how I missed that while I was in the US. Every muscle of my body is in pain at this very moment, but I love this kind of pain... Yesterday I swam 450 m, and just before the end of the class I had a cramp. I was barely able to walk after that, I had to stop and the stretch my calfs until the pain passed... Today I swam 650 m, and no cramps, but I was dead after the class. It is just the beginning...

Sometimes I feel a void inside of me, and I don't know why I feel like that, because there is really no reason for it to be like that.

I am almost beating Rock Band, playing the guitar, in the hard mode, and I even started to play some songs in the expert mode. I am stuck in "Enter Sandman" by Metallica at this time. Each time I play this game, I have the feeling that I really should start playing something like electric guitars or bass.

Finally, the weather seems to be getting cooler.

I am having this crazy idea about letting my hair grow again to the point of a green-power hair, as I am green and not black. I hope this idea leaves my mind soon...

I did not forget about "The Day to Talk Like a Physicist", it was two weeks ago, but as I do not care about this temporal conventions, I still have time to talk like a physicist and post something about it in the near or far future... It all depends on my inspiration.

And, yes, I am back...

What is in my jukebox right now!? Superbeast by Rob Zombie...

I need to go home, and maybe find a new cell phone for me... I am back using my pre-cambrian communication device... Maybe another day, or yesterday in another life, but not today in this life... The music is over, so the post is done...

Dia de Falar como Físico

Próximo dia 14 de Março será instituida uma nova data comemorativa. O Dia Internacional de Falar Como um Físico.

Não existe data melhor do que esta, afinal dia 14 de Março é data do nascimento do mais famoso físico de todos os tempos, Albert Einstein, e se você escrever a data do modo inglês, com o mês vindo antes do dia, teremos o dia "Pi" (3.14).

Está data é para todas aquelas "infelizes" pessoas que decidiram que física era coisa de pessoas com distúrbios psicológicos irreversíveis, e decidiram seguir qualquer outra profissão, libertarem o seu lado físico e abusar daquela linguagem hermética que só os físicos parecem ser capazes de compreender. Assuste as pessoas nos ônibus, nas ruas, seu vizinho, estudantes de ciências humanas, ciências biológicas, e artes falando sobre distorções espaço-temporais, singularidades, instabilidades magneto-hidrodinâmicas, cromodinâmica quântica, termodinâmica de não-equilíbrio, etc, etc... Use todas aquelas palavras estranhas que você por ventura tenha lido em algum título de tese, dissertação ou artigo sobre física, e crie as mais variadas frases misturando aquelas palavras bizarras. Seja criativo!


P.S.: Divulgando novas datas comemorativas, saibam que dia 8 de dezembro é o Dia Internacional de Fingir Ser um Viajante do Tempo. (Fonte: Efeito Ázaron). Valeu Quase-Físico, por compartilhar o conhecimento de data importantíssima com todos nós!

Day of the Smarm

Yesterday I decided to create "The Day of the Smarm". So I wish a very "Happy Day of the Smarm" to each one of my readers.

Who is Smarm? One day I will clarify everything for you. What matters now is that The Day of the Smarm is commemorated at each 367 days, as there is a slightly temporal variation in the Smarm dimension. And there might be some random variations in the 367 days period, and maybe next time will be at each 37 days... Who knows!? But be right that the next one will be only in February 10th of 2009.

What should you do in this special day? Well... Do whatever you want, eat whatever you want, destroy whatever crosses your path, it does not matter! Smarm does not care at all... Just praise the concepts of Chaos and Entropy, and you will be fine.

By the way, what I did today was to beat Rock Band with the guitar in the medium setting! Next step hard setting... And play with the guitar instead of the controller is way MUCH better, and cooler!!!

First Year

It all started with this meaningless post. I was very confused when I decided to write this blog, confused about things happening in my life, as always. I had a few blogs in my bookmarks already, but then one day I was surfing aimlessly through the web, and then I found a blog. There was nothing special about that blog, but for some reason after reading that I decided that it would be a good idea to create a blog. This blog is not even in my blogroll anymore. So I went to blogger and decided to try this thing. I chose a template, one of the many templates that you can choose, and then I wrote for the first time. At the same day, later, I created my second post. And after that all Hell broke lose, and I never stopped.

In one year this place was visited almost 1976 times. I have written 202 posts. I changed the template 5 times, and I even created my own template. I never thought I could write so much about senseless stuff. And I turned to be a very good therapy sometimes. I have nothing to do, then I come here and write about something. Also, if I had no time at all, I had the time to come here and write about something else. I really think that this blog drains a small amount of my time everyday, looking at the statistics, looking at what people were looking for when they found my blog, or just keeping track of the visitors and where are my visitors coming from... Actually, I guess I am addicted to look at statistics. Or I waste my time looking at the blog statistics, or then I just stare at the screen thinking about stuff to write here. But anyway, I love this hobby and I love my blog! =D


You can count that this blog will still be here for a while. And I still have a lot of crazy and shocking ideas to share with people. Well... With my few readers at least! I also must keep Xaos growing, whether in the blog or in my city! Maybe in a hundred years this blog will be famous, and I will still be here praising Xaos and Entropy!

I was thinking in a totally different post, but I have been too tired these past few days, and I have not even played Rock Band as much as I would like, actually I just played it twice. All I have in my mind these days is how to make that cursed Fortran code work with my model. Damn code... I am tired, and I am going to sleep now... As a stone, I hope...

I just found out that I could filter my own visits in the blog in the beginning of July, so before that my own visits are included in the graphs. That is the reason I had so many visits during the first 5 or 6 months.

Emprego Perfeito Para Cada Um

Este é um comercial que está passando na TV americana, de um site de empregos na Internet. Achei muito divertido!

A Problematic Mind (?)

Sometimes I have the feeling that there is something wrong with me. I am not being able to focus on my work, even knowing that I have a lot of work to be done before going back to Brazil, and I am feeling remorseful because of that. The problem is that I have been like that for a long and long time, and I don't even remember when that started, but it was before I started college, and maybe I was always like that. While things interest me I can focus and pay attention to them perfectly, but my interest seems to fade with time, when that happens my mind just goes astray, and I lose myself in the middle of wonderland. That seems to happens with everything.

Everyday I see my colleagues, here in the US and also in Brazil, working and being able to focus on their work for hours and hours until the point they reach high levels of stress, and seeing that makes me feel bad for not being able to focus not even for 15 minutes straight on my own work most of the time. I start to work, and it goes fine in the first few minutes, but after a while my mind got distracted and when I realize I am thinking about a tree in the other side of the street and how would be so good to be a kid again and climb that tree, and think that it was a spaceship. (I used to pretend that the trees in my house's backyard where spaceships when I was a kid.) And then I remember that I have to start to think again in my work. Sometimes I have this boost in interest in my work, and when that happens I can make some progress, but then that interest just fades away again, and it is like a herculean effort to focus my mind again, sometimes I don't make any kind of progress for weeks or even months.

I really wonder about how in the Nine Hells of Baator I was able to be almost getting my Ph.D. degree in Astrophysics/Physics being the way I am. I don't know how did I finish college, nor how did I get my master degree, and be where I am right now... Do I really deserve to be where I am right now? I feel bad and guilty, actually, because I know a lot of people who worked so much harder than me in their lives and did not have the same chances I had, and if they had they would be doing so much more. And NO, I am not a genius, far from that actually, and I feel frustrated with myself, but I don't know if there is anything I can do to change.

Have I chosen the right thing for me? I have thought to much about that already, and I know that I chose right. Astrophysics is a fascinating subject. And I am pretty sure that I would still be the same if I had chosen differently in the past.

It is more than 2AM, and instead of sleeping or doing something more useful I am wasting my time with this blog. Before that I was reading a lot of useless stuff, wasting my time on Facebook playing an useless game. I want to do so many worthless stuff that I am not even able to sleep earlier. That is not right!

I have read something about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I don't know if my problem is really something like that, or if I am just looking for an excuse to be a procrastinator like I am.
Anyhow, I am not right!